Renae lives in Scottsdale, Arizona with her husband, Trevor, and goldendoodle, Derby. 

She works as a Physician Assistant in Dermatology and loves all things – SKIN. 

Reane and her husband are currently pregnant with a baby boy due in December 2024!

In this episode:

• Can you recover from HA while doing IVF?
• The role proper nutrition can play in egg retrieval
• Creating safety in an over stressed body
• Tracking recovery progress while using supplemental hormones 
• Why many doctors will tell you to skip IUI
• Honesty is key when working with a fertility specialist
• How to make HA recovery a positive experience 
• Overcoming the fear of gaining weight

Connect with Lindsey Lusson: 

Instagram:@‌food.freedom.fertility
Website:www.foodfreedomandfertility.com/
Twitter: @LindseyLusson
Tiktok:@food.freedom.fertility

Transcript:

Lindsey Lusson  00:00

So you guys landed on the IVF decision. Why did you decide you wanted to still continue HA recovery? 

Renae  00:07

I felt that if we are going to make the plunge and we’re gonna do this, all of these things. Your egg retrieval, the quality of the eggs, the transfer. Your body still has to feel safe to be able to have success. So that’s where I was coming from. How can my body even want to create eggs and have this positive, successful egg retrieval, if it’s still in this fight or flight mode? If we’re going to invest all this time, energy, money, ABC, whatever, into this like I want to make sure I’m also still focusing on HA recovery. And still focusing on not overdoing it, not over stressing my body. 

Lindsey Lusson  00:47

Welcome to the Period Recovery and Fertility Podcast. Here, we discuss the challenging, rewarding and life changing process of recovering your period and finding freedom with food and exercise. Whether you’re hoping to regain your cycle to get your health back on track or you’re ready to become a mama, this podcast is for you. While the recovery process isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, it’s my hope to bring you both information and inspiration during your own recovery journey. I’m your host, registered dietitian and fellow HA woman, Lindsey Lusson. 

Lindsey Lusson  01:18

Renae lives in Scottsdale, Arizona with her husband Trevor and golden doodle derby. She works as a physician’s assistant in dermatology and loves all things skin. Renee and her husband are currently pregnant and do with a baby boy due in December of 2024.

Lindsey Lusson  01:31

Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Period Recovery and Fertility Podcast. I’m bringing on a past client today. And we’re talking about a topic we actually never have talked about before on this podcast. That is the idea of doing HArecovery in conjunction with prepping for an IVF cycle. So I have my lovely past client, Renae, joining us today. Welcome Renae!

Renae  01:50

Thank you. Excited to be here, excited to chat with you and see you.

Lindsey Lusson  01:54

Well, as soon as we started working together, I knew that we needed to eventually record a podcast together. Before I pushed record, one of the things that we were just chatting about was just your confidence after working with our team.When I think we both left our time together being like, talk to you soon when I’m pregnant.

Lindsey Lusson  02:12

What was it like to just have confidence going into your transfer for IVF. And we’ll get into a little bit more about your pregnancy. But I just kind of want to hear a little of want to hear a little bit more about what tha felt like. 

Renae  02:24

It was really wonderful timing. I started with your group and with you right around the time that I was starting like hormonal therapy for our first ever retrieval. So I was able to chat with you, chat with other women on a weekly basis, and kind of have that accountability and that support through some of the most like difficult times in this period of our lives. So it was just really, really beneficial for me to be chatting with women about HA, about supporting our bodies, about focusing on the health of our bodies. 

Renae  03:05

And I think that support you just doing things alone is really difficult. Leaning on other women who are in your shoes, who are going through a similar process. Maybe not the IVF process. But we all knew that HA was at the background of our mindset. And being like, I can confidently say that I am growing out of that mindset. My mindset is now like, okay, pregnancy, family, health in a different light. It was actually healthy for me to break the cycle of clean eating and exercise. Like, that’s what my priorities. 

Renae  03:05

About putting some of those other things that we had focused on for so long. I mean, it was years of focusing on eating a certain way, exercising a certain amount each week, and all of that was like breaking the cycle and being like, No, I’m gonna make my body the healthiest that it can be, as far as like breathing and relaxing, finding that confidence in the process of IVF. But then leaning on all of the women that we worked with in the group. Right during my egg retrieval, right during all of the genetic testing, right up until our transfer. It was like the exact same time period. So it was just beneficial. 

Renae  04:19

My priorities changed. And the group and the women to keep reminding me of that on a weekly basis while going through IVF, was like the most… I look back and I think that is what gave me the confidence to be like, You’re going to do this. It’s going to work. You’re doing right things.

Lindsey Lusson  04:37

I think that that’s something that really sets apart the women that choose to work with us is that they don’t just desire pregnancy. They’re kind of thinking about their health and their hormones and their fertility as a measure of their health. Kind of on a zoomed out perspective. Because technically, you could have gone through this idea of cycle and continued your habits and maybe had a chance at getting pregnant. Maybe not, you know. 

Lindsey Lusson  05:06

And so I think that that’s something that’s really unique about our community, is the women that we work with really, really, really do desire to kind of nip this in the bud. Then they are future thinking. They’ are not just thinking about this first baby. They’re thinking about family planning, they’re thinking about their bones. They’re thinking about their relationship with food, how they want to model food for their future children. 

Lindsey Lusson  05:27

And so, you know, I think that whenever we’re laser focused on just the baby, not to say that that can’t be like one of the most best motivators for recovery. I think that that was something that was really unique to you, and the unique to most of the clients that we work with is they kind of think about this whole problem, as a holistic problem, not just a fertility problem.

Renae  05:47

Totally. it’s so true. It’s like, I want to set my life up and my body up for the long success. I think something I remember so vividly from our support group conversations is like we are going to be the models for our future children. They will be watching us. And the habits that we are going to teach our children are also… We had to heal or we need to heal ourselves to be like the best role model for someone else, too. So that was really motivating. 

Renae  06:18

There’s so many different nuances that you can’t recognize by yourself, and then you are in these conversations, and other women are bringing up these ideas, and you’re like, oh my gosh, yes, yeah. Let me heal my mindset. Let me heal my body for my future. This is what’s going to be so beneficial for me in the long run.

Lindsey Lusson  06:38

Yeah, well, let’s rewind the clock a little bit and help listeners really kind of understand your story and your pathway intoHA. And the things that you specifically needed to heal from. Because I know that a lot of these things are going to resonate and feel very similar to people who were once where you were. So tell us a little bit about how you lost your period. What do you think some of the major triggers were for you personally?

Renae  07:02

So I was on birth control for most of my life. I think at least 12 years. I had a period or a menstrual cycle while on the pill, but it was always very light. So I think several years ago, I had made this change in my lifestyle. My grandmother had passed away, and I just really hyper focused on dementia, which she had suffered with. Type three diabetes of the brain, sugar, processed foods. Like I had just thrown myself into this world about checking the labels, eating clean ingredients, eating whole ingredients, throwing out processed foods, not eating refined sugars. 

Renae  07:52

I had eliminated dairy. My diet had gotten so restrictive on what I felt like was healthy. You know, you just keep eliminating more and more and more things. Because you think you’re doing all the right things. Pairing that with extensive exercise that also is like, the other thing, right? You’re like, 30 minutes a couple times per week. It feels great. You’re like, this is so good for my body. I feel wonderful. 

Renae  08:17

Before you know it, six months in, you’re like, losing weight. And 30 minutes a couple times per week turned into 45 minutes, turned into 90 minutes. I would be 5am first one in the gym before a full time job every day, because that’s what I felt like. Okay, I’m seeing results. My body is changing. I must be doing something right. And so that kind of process almost just became second nature. It was just a routine. Like you even stop thinking about it. You stop like you take a step back, recognize, like, Okay, wait, I’m saying I want to eat dinner before going out to dinner with friends, because I want to be able to control what I’m consuming. 

Renae  08:58

I need to get that 90 minute workout in today so that I can, you know, eat these meals, and that’s going to be like the balance that my body needs to gain. Like a physique, or this feeling that I’m having. So, I mean, this went on for many, many, many months while I was still taking birth control.

Renae  09:21

But then my menstrual cycle became irregular while on birth now. So I was like, Oh, that doesn’t seem right. And then, you know, you’re feeling so great, life is good. And I’m like, Okay, we’re ready to start a family. So let me get off the pill. We’re gonna go celebrate our five year wedding anniversary in Costa Rica. I’m gonna stop the pill a month before, and let’s try to get pregnant in Costa Rica. 

Renae  09:47

You know, there’s like, some naivety there, but I stopped the pill and my period never came. And months went by. I mean, nine months maybe without a period. And I was like, I know this isn’t right. I think a lot of women in your group, like you’ve mentioned, we try to do it on our own for a long time. We make little changes. We don’t dive in, oh, I’ll, you know, cut back here, or add this to my diet. You make little changes and you’re like, Okay, I’m doing it. Why isn’t this working? 

Renae  10:16

But there was so much correction, or just the pendulum had swung so far that those little changes weren’t going to be the push that my body needed. My body was in fight or flight. I needed to,really slow down and let it heal. And so that’s when I joined your group. I had made some changes, but I needed the accountability, and I needed the support. I needed to be surrounded by other women who are kind of going through the same thing.

Lindsey Lusson  10:45

Yeah. So in the habits that you described that you’re pulling out now and you recognize, like, ooh, red flag. Like needing to eat dinner before you go out to dinner, because whatever was being served wasn’t healthy enough. It wasn’t portion controlled enough. It wasn’t in your control. I have to work out for 90 minutes every single day to maintain my results. Two really, really, really, big red flags. 

Lindsey Lusson  11:09

So something I want to pull out here for a second and talk about is the idea of you said, so many women think that they just need to make tiny tweaks to their routine to get their period back. But the reality is is that the pendulum has swung really far in the other direction. Nobody really loses their period on purpose, but people don’t also lose their period by accident. It’s not like a oops. I ran an EXTRA MILE this week, so I lost my period. Like no one’s body is that sensitive. 

Lindsey Lusson  11:40

People who lose their period have been through extreme food restriction and extreme over exercise. And so the course correction probably does have to be a little more extreme than what you’re conjuring up in your head.

Renae  11:54

Totally, totally. I think your body has to feel… The word that I loved, we all used, was safe. There was such a period of time where my body did not feel safe. And I think gaining weight and slowing down my exercise routine and just balancing so many different aspects of these habits that I had created, my body could start to feel more and more safe.

Renae  12:22

It was a confusing time, because I didn’t have the opportunity to regain my period because I was supplementing with hormones during IVF. But I saw the changes in my body, and I could still appreciate positive things during the process. I was like, Okay, wait, this is new for me. My hair was feeling thicker and fuller. Just my sleep had improved too, like the insomnia that I was experiencing during certain stages of the HA was also…

Seeing those little tweaks, I think is still important to recognize, like that you’re on the right track. Maybe the mental hasn’t returned yet. And especially if you are doing like an IVF cycle or retrieval, and you are on exogenous hormones, you’re not maybe going to see the period.But there’s going to be beneficial things that you can recognize that you’re like, Okay, I’m on the right track. I’m doing I’m doing good, doing good for my body. 

Lindsey Lusson  12:34

Exactly. There are things you can still track, because we have, I was telling you to this Renae, that we actually… You were one of the first people I’ve worked with, I think that was doing HA recovery and IVF at the same time. I’ve worked with clients who have done HA recovery and then chose to do IVF for a reason, X, Y or Z, but doing it together. It’s cool to see ways that your mental recovery can change through the process, even if we can’t track the hormones or the cervical mucus or the actual, you know, period part of it. 

Lindsey Lusson  13:48

So, yeah, you’re right. There are other things that we can definitely track in the process. I’m curious in coming off the pill and some of the being a little naive about how easy it might be for you to get pregnant. Were there any red flags?Because you work in medicine, were there any red flags for you as a physician’s assistant, with the change in your period related to this massive lifestyle change and noticing, like, oh, even on synthetic hormones that should be giving me this bleed like clockwork every single month. That’s not happening for me. Did that raise any sort of thoughts or anything for you back then?

Renae  14:23

Totally, totally. It was probably in the last few months that I was on the pill when that started to happen too. And I think it kind of spooked me. That was like the push, I was like, I’m going to get off of this. You almost want to blame the pill. At first you’re like, oh, it’s the pill. That’s why it’s just irregular, because I’m on the pill. My cycle was coming, like every 21 to 23 days on the pill, like I couldn’t even make it a full pack. And so I was like, oh, it’s the pill.

Renae  14:50

But three cycles in of that, I was like, I’m just gonna get off of it. And then it never returned. So I knew something was up at the beginning. I wanted to blame it on the pill, but I knew that my body was… I think that’s when I really started to investigat HA. There was this book called No Period, Now What? And I read that. I had shared it with my husband and my family members, and I was like, I don’t know. This just kind of resonates with me. Like, maybe we can all read it together. Maybe we can all just…what are your thoughts like, just trying to get other people involved too. But that’s when my recovery, or at least me being like, Okay, I need to address this. 

Lindsey Lusson  15:31

Did you go through a denial stage at all in reading more about HA and being in medicine being like that only happens to women who have eating disorders. The clinical knowledge that you had been given about amenorrhea related to food and exercise versus your unique situation, was there a denial period for you?

Renae  15:51

Totally because you just are like, wait, I have… my body feels so great. I have colleagues that EAT A, B and C. Or, like, you know, we’re busy in clinic. Like, some people go, like, eight hours without having a meal. What do you mean my body has to eat something every two to three hours. Or, what do you mean that I can’t behave or act the same way as A, B and C, but my body is more sense. Like, you know, you always fear to people around you. We all working high stress jobs. We all work out, we all barely have time in the day to sit down for a meal. Like, why me?

Lindsey Lusson  16:30

So how did you move past that? Because I think that you are… I think that you were saying out loud some things that our listeners are actually very stuck in right now. How did you move past the comparison and focus on Renae and what Renae’s body needs to be healthy and fertile?

Renae  16:47

I think there is this mindset that I had to really remind myself. Like, your worth is not in your body, and your worth is not in your appearance. You are a supportive friend, you are a great wife, you are a wonderful colleague. You are… There are so many other things that I really tried to focus my worth in. So my appearance and my exercise routine and my eating habits became less and less and less of a priority to me. 

Renae  17:23

So I really think that mindset shift of like finding worth and other things outside of your appearance your body is really tricky. Because you walk into a group of people and the first thing they comment on is how great you look. Then it’s like you really hold value in that sometimes. But then really kind of switching that mindset of like, thank you so much, but  I’m here to A B and C, celebrate you and be your friend. That is so much more important than my appearance. Like that switch was really where I tried to focus my efforts. 

Lindsey Lusson  17:59

I always tell people to kind of try to get back to their core values. What are the most important things that you want to be for people, and what are the things that you really value about others? Because I think sometimes we put some unrealistic expectations on ourselves. And I hear this from a lot of my clients who work in really kind of high stress, high achieving, career paths, my my lawyers, my my physician’s assistants people who are just or like, climbing the corporate ladder. Almost that they start to see their body as a extension of their success. 

Lindsey Lusson  18:40

And I think for women especially, this could be like a whole separate podcast, and maybe we will get into this eventually. But just kind of the expectations that women put on themselves, to be everything, be at the top of your class to have the career, have the husband, have the the baby, the lifestyle… And to have the body… What society considers to be a hot body along with it, and how at odds that is with the space and like the mindset and like, where our bodies need to be to actually be fertile and have a family. Like, how much that is at odds.

Renae  19:19

Yes. I think I see it too, or even maybe experiencing it myself, I can recognize it in others too. Like that level of perfectionism that we strive for as women and in my field. There is… like we all do run a little bit more tightly wound. We’re a little bit more type A, we’re organized. We love routine, and sometimes these habits of like, I eat this for breakfast, this for lunch and this for dinner, I exercise for this amount of time. Like, those habits can work their way into that routine and that perfectionism super easily. So you have to break that mold or break that habit.

Lindsey Lusson  20:04

Yeah. And recognizing all of it is balanced. Like, it’s not wrong to want a really specific, demanding career, and it’s not wrong to want to be good at your job. Just like it’s not wrong to want to feel strong and feel in shape and take pride in your body. None of those things are wrong, but it’s the over emphasis that we put on some of these things, and therefore, like the habits and the mindset that follows for achieving those sort of habits and goals.  Probably unrealistic goals that I think really gets us into trouble. 

Renae  20:38

Yeah, absolutely. 

Lindsey Lusson  20:39

Well, so what led you into IVF? So we’ve been off the pill, so we’re now we’re going back to Costa Rica. No Period. Period never came. You get home from that trip, then what?

Renae  20:50

So after that trip, I first worked with a naturopath. We did a lot of hormone studies. I got my blood work done probably every four to six weeks. They were monitoring like, FSH, LH, AMH, like all the signs were pointing to HA. I worked with her for several months. I was trying to make as many adjustments in my life as possible. That temperature tracker, that thermometer. You know, seeing if I was on any type of trajectory that would be confirming, like, Okay, you might be getting a menstrual cycle soon. I was just kind of investing a lot of time and energy into that other means, before I saw a fertility specialist.

Lindsey Lusson  21:41

[indecipherable] a naturopath? Out of curiosity. Because I do feel like there is almost a division between traditional medicine practices, dietitians, nurses, physicians, assistants, medical doctors and naturopaths, functional medicine doctors, etc.

Renae  21:59

I was kind of dipping my toes into all of it. Still seeing my OBGYN. We had done progesterone withdrawals. So medications to try to… I was on them for like 10 to 14 days. I would stop them to try to elicit a withdrawal bleed if they weren’t working. So I was like, Well…

Lindsey Lusson  22:18

I mean, the amount of women that I have been interacting with in the past month that are stuck in this dumb cycle of trying to get Provera to jumpstart their cycle, and the belief that that would work is insane to me. Like, I’m like, You guys are wasting so much time, like, on the doctor’s end and on the patient’s end.

Renae  22:38

Totally. It’s so interesting, I can look back and I’m like, you know your body wasn’t going to feel healthy enough to have a menstrual cycle. You always think you’re gonna be like, the special one. You’re like, I don’t know. I think it’s true. Like, I’ll give it a try. Three progesterone challenges later, and you’re like, All right, yeah, I’ve exhausted medicine of what my OB can offer me. I’m not ready to make the plunge into a fertility clinic specialist yet. Let me go naturopath and see if there’s…

Lindsey Lusson  23:09

What was the good and bad that came out of working with your naturopath?

Renae  23:12

Honestly, nothing. I wouldn’t say anything bad. I don’t know if it was the right resources for HA, specifically.  It was more so her focus was women who have their period and maybe were dealing with more like symptoms like PMS or heavy bleeding or headache. Things that come along with your menstrual cycle. Where I was kind of just trying to recover mine. It wasn’t a bad relationship. It’s just at this point too, it’s like you’re investing so much time, so much money, so much energy. You’re like, what’s going to be the one that’s going to like, work?

Lindsey Lusson  23:53

Yeah, so it sounds like she was a great practitioner. She just wasn’t the person who was going to help you actually be able to get your cycle back. And so that kind of left you with going swinging back to reproductive medicine and getting in touch with a reproductive endocrinologist. And so what did that experience look like for you?

Renae  24:11

So end of 2023 we met with our fertility specialist. And kind of explained what we had gone through. Every all the different routes that we had investigated that I still had not had a menstrual cycle at that point. And the conversation of options. She’s great too, just so much education, right? She really spent the time with us, providing us education on this is what this would look like. This is what this would look like. 

Renae  24:45

Her thought process was like, just being completely frank, the option for you is IVF. So we sat there and we thought out, and we said, Okay, we’re ready. I want to do it. It’s not that she was like pushing us and saying, do it now. She’s like, this is available to you, but you don’t have to make the plunge. But if you want to make the plunge, we’re here. And I think there’s so many exhausting… You’re just exhausted at that point. Honestly, I don’t… how else to describe it. You’re like, emotionally and mentally, physically exhausted, and you’re like, I want to try. I want to go for it.

Lindsey Lusson  25:21

Yeah, no, I think that that’s the space that you kind of have to be in and accepting of the offer, right? I know sometimes I think people are offered that as a solution before they’re there yet. And like to back that up a lot more women with HAdo get pregnant with IVF versus lower level interventions. And I’m sure that that’s why she pointed you in that direction, just knowing how she has seen HA patients not respond, over respond, cancel the cycle. Need higher doses of meds. Well, at that point, we might as well just move to an IVF cycle. You know, it’s just the state that your body is in is going to need a pretty high level of intervention. 

Renae  26:06

Exactly. Yeah, she was, you know, IUI, and some of these other options. She was just explaining to us, okay, but you need to be ovulating. We need to have a cycle that we can track. Use those interventions. And if that’s not something that you have, we need to consider this option.

Lindsey Lusson  26:27

Well I think the success rate across the board on IUI is just so low. I know people who go straight to IVF and skip IUI not not even related to HA,just because the sheer success rates are so low. And maybe there is a time factor, you know, or maybe there is, like, an energy factor. Like, we don’t really want to do something that’s got a 10% success rate. Like, we’d be better off trying naturally. Why are we even doing this? 

Lindsey Lusson  26:52

So you guys landed on the IVF decision. Why did you decide you wanted to still continue HA recovery? Because I know that the temptation once you get into fertility treatment is oh, well, there’s no way I’m going to know if I’m having my period anyways. So like ignorance is bliss, let me just, you know, continue my healthy lifestyle as I’m going through fertility treatment.

Renae  27:16

I felt that if we are going to make the plunge, and we’re going to do this, and we’re going to do this the right way. All of these things, your egg retrieval, the quality of the eggs, the transfer. Your body still has to feel safe to be able to have success. So that’s where I was coming from. How can my body even want to create eggs and have this positive, successful egg retrieval, if it’s still in this fight or flight mode? How can my body want to hold on to an embryo or have a successful transfer? Put its energy elsewhere? 

Renae  27:55

Like, essentially survival mode. All energy that I was giving my body was going to my vital organs. Why would it want to embrace an embryo during a transfer if it was still not in like, a safe space? But like, if we’re going to invest all this time, energy, money, ABC, whatever, into this I want to make sure I’m also still focusing on HA recovery and still focusing on not overdoing it. Not over stressing my body adding things to my plate. 

Renae  28:27

They’re always like, these are the foods that can help fertility or like, make sure you’re eating enough calories to support like that you’re not affecting your sleep. That you’re not affecting stress levels on your body. Like I was like, okay, what can I add to my plate? What can I take away from my lifestyle that’s hurting to help support the cycle?

Lindsey Lusson  28:47

Yeah, do you feel like that was unique to your doctor and your clinic? Do you feel like your own knowledge from the research you had done before you came into an IVF cycle helped you to have that mindset and understanding? Because I’m just trying to think about where the disconnect is. 

Lindsey Lusson  29:05

Are there doctors working with women who with HA going through IVF cycles that are not mentioning those things. The energetics of it, the stress on the body. Or are the doctors mentioning it and the patients are so stuck and blind to the potential that their lifestyle is harmful or so scared to make changes that they hear it and it’s in one ear and out the other?

Renae  29:31

That’s a good question, because I was so honest with my reproductive specialist about my history. I could have walked in there and not been as open, and she probably would have looked at me and been like, you don’t look like someone that is over extra…[indecipherable]

Lindsey Lusson  29:47

Yeah, for sure. Because how can they possibly know if you’re not volunteering that information? 

Renae  29:53

Yeah. Like, I think there’s probably many women that go in appearing to be healthy, but maybe aren’t being honest about their habits. That could be a big barrier for a lot of women. So having the open conversations about, like, okay, yes, there’s no shame in saying like, this is something that I’ve experienced and been healing from for the past few years, and I’d like to do that while starting an IVF cycle. Maybe women think that that IVF cycle will be taken away, or that allowed to do…

Lindsey Lusson  30:26

Really good point, yeah, yeah.

Renae  30:28

If they’re not disclosing, like, if they chose to share that type of information with the fertility specialist, I think having those open, honest conversations and just knowing being in medicine and knowing that my practitioner would be able to serve me best if I was the most honest with her, I think opened up the door for her to be able to support.

Renae  30:49

You do need to be consuming the appropriate amount of energy. You do need to take a step back from your exercise routine. I think that it’s wonderful that you are seeking out an HA recovery group for support during this process. She had that advice to give us, because I think I was really open with her about my truth.

Lindsey Lusson  31:10

Yeah, for sure. So to anyone who’s listening and feeling maybe frustrated that their doctor isn’t giving them more guidance or giving them more pat on the back or reassurance that those steps do need to be made, regardless of the path that you’re choosing towards pregnancy. Be honest, right? 

Lindsey Lusson  31:27

I think that doctors can’t read our minds, and they can’t read between the lines, especially if you’re walking Well, There’s no indications. No one knows what’s on your mind. Nobody knows that you’re counting every calorie that you’re eating. Nobody knows that you’ve restricted food all day before you go out to dinner. Like nobody knows those things. So I think that honesty is such an important part of being able to have a successful treatment cycle like you did. 

Renae  31:57

HA can be very silent for a lot of people. You can hide your habits and your decisions and your behaviors really, really easily. And so I think a huge step, even if you’re not going the IVF route, even if you’re choosing to recover for whatever reason. Like sharing and over sharing.

Lindsey Lusson  32:18

Yeah. Because, you know, for those who don’t work in healthcare, I mean, every single credentialed healthcare practitioner falls under a code of ethics. And we’re under HIPAA, which means that we can’t share private healthcare information of the people that we’re working with. Whatever is said in a doctor’s office should never be shared outside of the doctor’s office unless, of course, there’s like concern for suicide or something like that. But you know, that’s probably one of the safest places to actually open up about something, even if it does feel uncomfortable. 

Renae  32:56

Yeah, agree. They are there to help you. At least, my experience is there was no judgment from facility specialists. There was no shaming, or she was able to utilize the information I was sharing with her to benefit us. 

Lindsey Lusson  33:17

Yeah. And so what ultimately led you to work with Food Freedom Fertility Society, and trust us to be the people to help guide you through your retrieval and eventual transfer.

Renae  33:29

Well social media is very powerful. So when you are like constantly googling or researching HA and recovery, you get introduced to different Instagrams. I had followed you for a period of time, and then I just made the plunge. And I reached out, and I said, Okay, I’d love to join and work with you and work with the other women in the group. I think this is going to be a good fit for me. I feel like I’ve been so open and honest with my fertility specialist, with my family members. This is just going to be another like tool on my tool belt that can help support me during this process.

Lindsey Lusson  34:15

What do you feel was something that we did in our program that you weren’t doing previously? Do you feel like there were things that you came into the program and you’re like, oh my gosh, I totally missed that part of recovery.

Renae  34:30

I think just drawing attention to decisions that we would make in HA recovery that were like, positive. Like, every week, we would share what was something that was out of your control, or something that you did that was out of your routine that felt good? Like going out to dinner with your spouse and letting your significant other pick what you guys are going to consume that night at dinner. Or going out and going shopping to the mall.

Renae  34:50

I remember like texting, we went to the mall, I bought new clothes. I embraced the changes that my body is having, I purchased things that fit my body. I’m not trying to fit into previous clothes. Weekly support calls were something that I relied heavily on. You know, I changed my schedule at work so I could log on every Tuesday and just listen to all the women and share our stories and share what we have been working on the past week. That feeling of not being alone is so powerful.

Lindsey Lusson  35:29

I think that’s under, under what is the right word. People don’t kind of get how isolating this can feel. I know sometimes people are like, well, I don’t want to be in a group with other people. Like, I don’t want to talk about this, or, like, I’ve never been somebody to share my feelings. And honestly, like, sometimes like that bottling up and that isolation is like the biggest thing keeping you stuck, right? 

Lindsey Lusson  35:56

Because if you’re not able to voice what’s really going on, if everything’s just going on in secrecy, it’s really, really hard to break out of those habits. Because what you were talking about earlier, about the, nobody knowing, and it’s you can hide your habits. You can hide your habits your entire life. So it’s not until you’re actually bringing them to light then you can actually start to make real changes. 

Renae  36:20

Yeah. I think it’s uncomfortable for some to experience, like, Okay, I’m gonna share some of my deepest, darkest…

Lindsey Lusson  36:27

Yeah, that’s true, yeah, with people that I don’t know very well. 

Renae  36:32

It’s like the most non judge… There’s no judgment. It’s like the most supportive group. It’s like women all around the country, which is just just so cool. I don’t know. It’s like, you think you aren’t capable of doing it, and then one weekend, you’re like, oh, I can do this.

Lindsey Lusson  36:47

Yeah, yeah. I do think that like, empowerment and just almost like mindset shift is something that we support our clients with really well. Because some of the things that you mentioned about, like, you know, letting your spouse pick something. That’s something that like could be really terrifying for somebody. And so rather than making it this like anxiety provoking event, what if it could be fun? What if it could, like, be done in a way that you’re pushed to do, and then once you do it, you recognize how scary it wasn’t how fun it was. And now you’ve got this whole new piece of recovery that wasn’t there before. 

Lindsey Lusson  37:24

And same thing with the shopping. I know how anxiety provoking shopping trips are for people. Because I talk about it every single week with our clients. But for you, it was, you know, you did it, and whether there was anxiety or not, like you did it, and you came out with clothes that you looked and felt good in. And you were able to share that experience with other people, which encouraged them to be like, Oh, maybe that’s not so bad. Maybe I do just need to go buy a new pair of jeans. So just all of that feeds on each on itself.

Renae  37:52

Yeah, and like, almost being able to pat yourself on the back. Something so simple, like shopping and buying an outfit. Maybe wouldn’t be able to share that with people around you in like, your small circle. But then just being able to get on with the group and be like, you guys, I bought a new outfit. That, like, is fitting my changing body, like, and everyone’s just so supportive of that. It’s like a simple step. Maybe other people would think it’s simple. But like, for us in this group, it was such these big steps for all of us to be able to support.

Lindsey Lusson  38:21

Yeah, and maybe even a step two that would like, wouldn’t be celebrated or maybe even seen as a negative. Like, can you imagine telling your coworker, I just bought a pair of jeans and they’re size up. And your coworker like having no context or no understanding of any of this, being like, Ooh, girl. Like, why are you excited about that? You know. So having the right people to celebrate the right victories for you is is really, really validating. 

Lindsey Lusson  38:47

And I think it’s also kind of like those types of things that can be little like carrots along the path of recovery that can help you to keep going. 

Renae  38:54

Yeah, exactly. 

Lindsey Lusson  38:58

Well, one other thing about your story that I just wanted to touch upon, because I know that I’ve worked with clients in a similar situation that don’t have the exact same outlook as you did. Just your whole separation of hey, like, I’m not my clothing size, I’m not, you know, my my weight, or, you know, my appearance, etc. There’s so many more things about me that make me RenAe and make me special and wonderful and beautiful. But something about your journey, if it’s okay, that I share, and we can always edit this out if it’s not. 

Lindsey Lusson  39:26

But in your quest to get on this clean eating kick and to be healthier, you lost a significant amount of weight. When you learned that being able to restore your fertility was going to require potentially gaining some, potentially, all of that weight back, because we don’t really know. We don’t track weight in our program. I don’t encourage people to, you know, talk about weight or weight gain. And for some people, that’s even scarier, because I’m not like, Oh, you need to gain 20 pounds, or you need to gain five pounds, right? Like, I’m not like, compartment or I’m not like, putting like parameters on it. 

Lindsey Lusson  39:59

What was that like for you? Because I know a lot of the clients that we work with that have been through a health journey, which also resulted in a weight loss journey. They had this immense fear about going back to that body, that time, that discomfort. Was there any like was that hard for you at all at any point in your recovery journey?

Renae  40:00

Yeah, it’s difficult because it feels like such a long time that you’ve worked to lose the weight. Like that weight came off over 12 to 18 months. And then it does feel very rapid when you make changes and you do start eating to support your body. And when you do really take a step back off of like over exercising, it can feel very fast that it’s coming back on. It’s almost like doesn’t feel natural. Sometimes it’s like you feel puffy, or you feel like you’re holding on to a lot of water weight. There are probably even a lot more variables that make even the scale seem that much more inaccurate. Like, oh my gosh. Finally, like…

Lindsey Lusson  41:07

Yeah. Like, absorbing everything fluid shifts, hanging on to every ounce of everything that it’s getting.

Renae  41:14

That has been deprived us for so long. So it does feel very quick. And you would always say this, you’re like, it levels out, it slows down, like it’s just your body trying to find that happy place again. And not focusing on the number, not focusing on the weight, not focusing on, you know, the appearance, or maybe the swelling, or like, how things are tight.

Renae  41:38

Trying to put that in the back of your head, and then focus on all the benefits of like, okay, well, how am I feeling? How am I sleeping? That level of control to like… I would be so controlling in different aspects of my life, and cleaning and just that anxious behavior, and as I started to gain weight and just kind of recover, my body was happier, like that, control and other aspects of my life dissipated too. 

Lindsey Lusson  42:10

Definitely. And I think that the more that we can kind of think of our bodies as just like always being in this state of flux.Right? I think that this is going to speak especially for people who are trying to get pregnant. Like if you want to get pregnant, your body is going to change. Your body is going to change. And that is very, very, very, largely out of your control. So the recovery can be a time to start to get a little more okay with the gaining of weight and your body changing. 

Lindsey Lusson  42:41

And understanding that, like, yes, you gain weight during pregnancy, and then you have a baby and you lose weight. Then you might have another baby, and then you gain weight. You know what I mean? Like just thinking about our bodies, of having this really beautiful, unique ability to change and evolve over time. Rather than thinking, Oh, I have to stay this specific size or the world will crumble. No one will like me anymore, right? We attach so many things to our body size that literally have nothing to do with our body size. 

Renae  43:16

Be your biggest cheerleader champion your body like, it is uncomfortable. I think it’s okay to say, like, I don’t love gaining weight, but also, like, be proud that your body can do that. And then if you are seeking pregnancy, like, and you do get pregnant, you’re sitting here, like, okay, my body’s really gonna change. But like, wow, how amazing. Like, you are the home for your future child, the nutrients that you are giving this child to grow to flourish. 

Renae  43:47

Like, yes, your body, physically is changing, but that’s because, like, there’s a human in you that’s like, doing so well because you’re the love and the support and the nutrients and all of these things. Maybe you wouldn’t have been able to do if you hadn’t recognized that poor relationship, or having HA. Being like, I’m still going to prioritize my appearance and my body and exercising.  It’s just a switch. It’s like a shift that happened.

Lindsey Lusson  44:11

Yeah. And a shift that I  always like to tell people it’s like, kind of better to go ahead and start doing before you are pregnant. Because you’re just setting yourself up for success on having that right mindset versus people who go through a fertility journey and maybe just either don’t have the knowledge about HA recovery, so they’re kind of blindly going into a treatment cycle, getting pregnant, never really changing their mindset or their habits. 

Lindsey Lusson  44:38

And then in pregnancy, they’re still working out seven days a week. They’re still at the gym for 90 minutes. They’re still eating dinner before they go out. They’ve still, like, carried over these same habits. And so, you know, I know that pregnancy can be a pretty healing time for people with their relationship with food and with their body. But I also just want to remind people that it’s not like this, like magical switch, unless you make those intentional decisions yourself to do things differently.

Renae  45:04

Yes, I agree. I think if my mindset wasn’t in the place that it is now, by going through the recovery and going through their program, I almost wonder if I’d be, like, resenting.

Lindsey Lusson  45:17

Yeah. I know, for me personally, had I not gone through it. And that’s not to say that, you know, in my first pregnancy, there was still a lot of mental healing going on. But I also think about just where my mindset was when I didn’t have a period, I would have been weighing myself every single week. And freaking out if I didn’t follow the perfect weight gain  pattern. Or would have been restricting like crazy and feeling good when I wasn’t when I was under gaining during my pregnancy. 

Lindsey Lusson  45:49

I see a lot of clients that work with us on the postpartum side. See a lot of people really get addicted to that praise and validation of being as small as possible during pregnancy, because below, if that’s been what your you know, Mo has been for most of your life, then that’s probably what it’s gonna look like in pregnancy, too.

Renae  46:08

Yeah, yeah. I think we just kind of circling back to like the value that you carry and who you are and the mother that you’re going to be. And valuing that more than the appearance or how you are outwardly to other people is really healing.

Lindsey Lusson  46:26

Yeah, yeah. Such an important shift. And so Renae, just to wrap it up today, what are you most looking forward to about labor and delivery and becoming a mom? And are there any jewels of wisdom you think you’ve taken from your recovery journey that you’re kind of looking forward to living out?

Renae  46:46

Yes, it’s been such a fun journey and such a… We are 33 weeks. So we are in the home stretch.

Lindsey Lusson  46:56

We’re in the home stretch. When is your due date?

Renae  46:58

12-12,

Lindsey Lusson  46:59

I was about to say that’s gotta be right around Christmas. Okay. 

Renae  47:02

Little Christmas, we’re having a little boy, and I am just so excited for him to be here. It has been such an honor, like carrying him and watching him grow and feeling him and seeing how strong he is. So I’m just so excited to have him here and give him that strength and that mindset and that positive outlook, and give him confidence. And it’s just it feels really special to be like, Okay, I am going to be not just an individual. Not just gonna be worrying about myself, worry about my child and be an example for him and give him the support that he needs to thrive. And so just being a role model and sharing my love with him, I’m just really excited for that next chapter.

Lindsey Lusson  47:55

Amazing. So amazing, yeah, well, and hearing your heart and all of this, like, what a wonderful like, nurturer and caregiver that you’re going to be. I mean, I think that pull out the silver lining of you’re at an infertility struggle that went on for a really long time for you. You know, it’s really something that has probably been very healing and just prepping you to be fully mentally present and ready to take on that next role.

Renae  48:23

Yes, absolutely, he has healed me already, and I’m sure he will continue to heal parts of me I didn’t even know I needed to be healed from. So I’m excited to incorporate him into our lives.

Lindsey Lusson  48:37

That’s amazing. Well, we wish you a safe and healthy delivery. And thanks so much for coming on and then sharing your story and empowering people. I have a feeling that there’s going to be people who are listening to this that maybe even never even really thought about the idea of, hey, I can I can do an IVF cycle, and I can still heal my body. It doesn’t have to be an either or so. Thanks for opening up our minds to that idea.

Renae  48:57

Yes, totally. Thank you for having me. And I am so excited for women out there listening to like you said, you can do it too. You can do you can do it all, and you can lean on, like the support group and the other women to during this time to have success and whatever that looks like for you. It’s different for everyone. And you know, giving yourself that grace and the peace to kind of find that healing journey whatever that looks like is like, just go for it. Yeah,

Lindsey Lusson  49:21

Amazing. Thanks so much.