Brittany is a Registered Nurse who lives in Ontario, Canada with her Husband, two Children and dog Paisley. She enjoys hiking, baking and spending time with my family and friends. After getting married at age 26 and coming off of birth control, Brittany’s cycles never returned. Her and her Husband and I were informed by an endocrinologist that IVF was our only option to conceive. After years of fertility treatments, they were blessed with their daughter and son, but  Brittany always wondered if her lifestyle was the cause of my HA diagnosis. After taking the leap to join the Food Freedom Fertility program, Brittany was able to regain my period and conceive our third child, due in November,  naturally on my second recovery cycle. Join my client, Brittany, as she shares her journey to natural pregnancy after 3 years of IVF.

In this episode:

• Why IVF isn’t the fast track to baby
• Finally getting the right diagnosis on your fertility journey
• When your missing period symptoms become a burden you can’t ignore
• How over exercise can play into poor hunger cues
• Overcoming denial that your nutrition habits aren’t contributing to your lack of period 
• When period recovery just takes a little longer 
• Why weight gain won’t go on forever during recovery 
• Setting yourself up for success to avoid postpartum relapse
• Why you need to step away from calorie burn goals on your fitness tracker 

Connect with Lindsey Lusson: 

Instagram: @‌food.freedom.fertility
Website: www.foodfreedomandfertility.com/
Twitter: @LindseyLusson
Tiktok: @food.freedom.fertility

Transcript:

00:00

How was it when we started working together and you were no longer marathon training? And I was like, hey, Brittany, we still have to eat the cake at the birthday party. How was that for you?

Brittany  00:09

Yeah, it was definitely a struggle. It was hard mentally. And I think the body image piece really sets in. The longer it went on, the more I just thought, can I keep doing this? At what point is this going to end? Or what point is my weight just gonna stop? And that was a big fear of mine. But yeah, it’s really hard and for people that are late responders, I just say keep going, keep digging in. Find that support system from whoever you can get it from. 

Brittany  00:09

Because at that point the group is over, luckily for me, I met a fantastic person who I still talked to every single day. I’m going to see her in August. Having those people was very important. Having someone else going through the same thing as you and continuing to go through the same thing with you even once the program was over, made or break the whole experience.

Lindsey Lusson  00:54

Welcome to the Period Recovery and Fertility Podcast, where we discuss the challenging warning and life changing process of recovering your period and finding freedom with food and exercise. Whether you’re hoping to regain your cycle to get your health back on track or you’re ready to become a mama, this podcast is for you. While the recovery process isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, it’s my hope to bring you both information and inspiration during your own recovery journey. I’m your host, registered dietitian and fellow HA woman, Lindsey Lusson. 

Lindsey Lusson  01:25

Brittany is a registered nurse who lives in Ontario, Canada with her husband, two children and dog Paisley. She enjoys hiking, baking and spending time with family and friends. After getting married at age 26 and coming off her control, Brittany’s cycles never returned. Her and her husband were immediately informed by an endocrinologist that IVF was their only option to get pregnant. After years of fertility treatments, they were blessed with their daughter and son but Brittany always wondered if her lifestyle was the cause of her HA diagnosis. After taking the leap to join the Food Freedom Fertility Society, Brittany was able to regain her period and conceive their third child and naturally due in November on her second recovery cycle. 

Lindsey Lusson  02:05

Welcome back to another episode of the Period Recovery and Fertility Podcast. I have a wonderful client on today. Brittany, welcome to the podcast!

Brittany  02:15

 Thanks for having me. I’m excited to share a story.

02:17

Yes, well, I think a lot of times people love coming back on the podcast because so many people come to me or find me through the podcast with the clients stories. These are typically the episodes that listeners love the most. So we so appreciate you being open and ready to share your story. So you are currently pregnant with your third baby. But baby number one and baby number two, were IVF babies. Is that right? 

Brittany  02:43

Yes that’s right. Yeah, it was a long process to get pregnant with them. So being able to get pregnant naturally with our third is a miracle to us.

02:53

So walk us through what the long process looks like for you. Because I think that people, at the beginning of their fertility journey, almost feel like IVF is a dream. Because it’s painted as this fast track to baby. Tell us a little bit more about your experience. 

Brittany  03:06

Yeah, so between the time that I stopped taking birth control and realize that my cycles were non existent, it was about three years until we were able to get pregnant with our daughter who go first born. So at first, I kind of waited for about four or five months. And I’m like, maybe I should go see my family doctor. So I made an appointment with my family doctor and then they referred me initially to a fertility specialist locally. I guess it wasn’t really a fertility specialist. I think it was a gynecologist that had more information about it than my family doctor did at the time. 

Brittany  03:43

So I went to him and then of course, he thought, well, it could be PCOS. So then I got that diagnosis. I started on Metformin, which had awful side effects. Then what he did was slowly up the Metformin while also trying to use Letrozole to kind of bring on a period. So that was probably trial and error for probably a good year of just trying to do that because you kind of have to slowly increase the Metformin over time. Then you would just increase the Letrozole as well just kind of take a low dose and higher dose and higher dose. And then obviously, none of that worked. 

Brittany  04:20

So when he was kind of at a loss, he’s like, it looks like you’re gonna have to do more professional fertility treatments. Then I was referred to my wonderful doctor, that kind of helped me through my whole fertility journey and IVF with both of our children. But first, they started to try to do an IUI. So with people who have HA, you tend to overstimulate if you try, and it takes a very long time. But he’s like we might as well try it. It was kind of the cheaper option than IVF to kind of start with. So we try that. And that was me driving to the clinic which is about almost an hour away, every morning for 7am to get monitoring done, and then to see what my medication should be. 

Brittany  05:06

So it was almost every morning I was doing that. And I think I was on injection day 49, or something. It was absolutely insane how long I was doing these works, my body’s just not responding. The follicles will grow a little bit a little bit a little bit. Then it was round, day 49 that finally all the follicles just took off. And they decided, okay, we either cancel this IUI because you’ve overstimulated, and now you’re at risk for multiple multiples, if we were to release these eggs, or we try to switch it into an IVF cycle. So that was a whirlwind of 24 hours, because there’s very limited time frame that you can actually switch from an IUI. They don’t typically do it to an IVF procedure. 

Brittany  05:51

So we had to get our finances in place. We had to get the education done. I had to book the time off of work. And then I got the bloodwork done the morning prior to the procedure, and my estrogen levels had just plummeted. So they think what had happened is all those eggs inside of the follicles had just kind of worn out, they were just tired, and all of them kind of just depressed. So then that cycle, it was devastating. That cycle just cancelled after. All that work, all the money for the injections, all the time traveling there. 

Brittany  06:18

And then my doctor after you kind of let the ovaries heal, after going through that process, too, because it was kind of like doing IVF, other than you didn’t get the the release of the egg. So your ovaries have to heal after that, too. Then he said, Okay, I think IVF is going to be your only option. So we did that. And because it’s kind of like trial and error, you do get one funded IVF cycle. But funded is just the procedure.

That is none of the medications. So that might be funded, but it was still 1000s of dollars in medication and parking and travel, just to do that first cycle. And if you were to get eggs, or embryos frozen from that cycle, any subsequent transfers recovered. But in my case, we only got three eggs that were retrieved. I didn’t have a very good success with our first round.

Brittany  07:11

 And none of them made it to the stage of like blastocyst, where they usually implant them. So around day four, the lab called me and said, we don’t really have anything that we think is going to make it. Let’s try to put these back in now. So they did transfer to, I had to consent to do that. Let two in and then none of them took and then the other one didn’t make it to be frozen either. So that was kind of another cycle that was supposed to be kind of like, quote unquote, the free cycle that they give you. Still cost quite a bit of money. But from that cycle, they did learn that I would early on in my next full round of IVF, I was going to have to stimulate with much higher medication to start. 

Brittany  07:55

So with our second cycle, again, not great results. I started a full another round of IVF. We waited a few months for your body to kind of heal from all of that process. Again, try to get the money to do all that again within a few months. But with that cycle a little bit better results, we ended up getting seven eggs out. They were able to transfer to day 4. I still didn’t have anything to make it to like that perfect day five blasts that they want. So they transferred to day 4 and from that we were able to get pregnant with our daughter. 

Brittany  08:32

Because he thought the chance is probably about 40% if you transfer to at that point. Because we didn’t have any blasts. And then the other five that we had leftover, none of them were able to make it to a blast to be frozen. So then we knew if we wanted to have another child, and IVF at that point was going to be our only option. We were going to have to do a full another round of IVF.

Lindsey Lusson  09:02

And is that what we do for a number two? 

Brittany  09:05

Yes. So with number two, both of our kids are pretty close together because COVID. A little bit, our clinic was closed during COVID. And then right before it was going to go back to work, they reopened and we thought okay, I have this extra time right now and maybe we should just try one round because we didn’t know I didn’t have great success with my the last two rounds. Like it might take us a couple rounds again to get pregnant so maybe there’s gonna be another wave come. The clinic is gonna be closed again. So we just kind of rushed into it and did another pound. 

Brittany  09:38

And I don’t know if it was the happy hormones from pregnancy or from breastfeeding that kind of help that cycle be much better. I actually ended up retrieving 21 eggs so I pretty much over over did it. But then we were able to get pregnant. We did it. We got a day five blast that we transferred for our son and then we had two frozen embryos from that as well.

10:02

Okay, awesome. I mean, that’s a really long journey. It’s interesting hearing you talk through how your clinic did it. Because I feel like more and more reproductive endocrinologist are actually skipping over the IUI stage and pushing people straight to IVF because the risk of multiples is high. And because it doesn’t typically end in success for people with HA. 

Lindsey Lusson  10:26

So if you’re listening to this, and that’s what your clinic is telling you to do, they’re not wrong. They’re trying to maximize your time and get in kind of fast track you as fast as your body would respond. But obviously, the IUI stuff is more cost effective. I’ve seen people have success with IUI and ovulation induction when they’re properly addressing the underlying cause of their anovulation and missing cycles. 

Lindsey Lusson  10:52

All this time while you’re going through these three years of IVF cycles, failed cycles, canceled cycles, are they still treating you like you have PCOS? Or was there ever an HA diagnosis given to you? 

Brittany  11:05

No. Once we left that local gynecologist and I got transferred to the fertility clinic with our doctor and he referred me to someone, we call them endocrinologist. So I was referred to the endocrinologist and that was when they kind of gave us that HA diagnosis. But here they call it something different. So as soon as I found your program and I was following you on Instagram, I didn’t know if like is that exactly me? Because they call it hypo hypo. So basically hypo pituitary, hypo gamma tropic ism because of your low fertility hormones as well.

Lindsey Lusson  11:42

That presents clinically is almost identical to HA.  However true hypo, hypo is almost more of like congenital or idiopathic. Kind of like they don’t really know why it happens. So technically, that’s the wrong diagnosis for you. But I understand how they landed on that. 

Brittany  12:00

So yeah, eventually, then I was given that diagnosis, and then I was stopped taking the Metformin at that point. 

Lindsey Lusson  12:07

Okay, so they did recognize you don’t actually have PCOS, and that’s good that they got you off medication that you didn’t need. Was there any solution to your hypo, hypo, at that time? Did they say why they thought this was happening?

Brittany  12:23

No. So when I met with the endocrinologist, he had just said, sometimes when you’re on birth control for a long time, or things could happen, and then your cycle just never really comes back. Interesting enough and thinking back at it, now, he didn’t question whether gaining weight could help. And at that point, he went based on  BMI. I was in a normal BMI. I was a healthy weight. Another thing my fertility doctor did consider too is that when I first had my first cycle,, when I was about 14, or 15, I was much heavier than I was when I was having these issues. 

Brittany  13:01

So another thought was potentially because your body felt safe at a higher weight. The initial time you got, like, had to cycle and then you started birth control so early, that maybe giving up a higher weight could help. But then again, they never really pushed for it. They never really recommended it. And there was no discussion around how much are you eating? What’s your lifestyle, what is exercise? What do you define as exercise? None of that was discussed at all.

13:30

Yeah. And as you and I both know, weight can play a role. They were onto something and thinking like, hey, if you went through a period of significant weight loss, especially at a young age, or especially weight loss over a short period of time, that is a red flag. And if we knew that we had a natural cycle, and we were fertile at weight x, and now we’re 1020 30 pounds below that weight, yes, we should fill in the gaps there. But at the end of the day, as an endocrinologist, they don’t have the knowledge skill set or counseling ability to help you do that. When was it that you realize that there was this thing called HA and your fertility issues might actually be completely lifestyle related?

Brittany  14:17

I tried to reflect back on that when I actually started. Because it was your program that I was following, because I know,  I’m a nurse. So whenever there’s something wrong, you’re not gonna go to Dr. Google. But you’re trying to figure out things on your own. So you search and I think the No Period Now What book came up, your program came up, and I was kind of looking into it and kind of be like that could be me. But then you’re stuck listening to the doctor who’s told you, in my 40 years of experience, I’ve never seen someone’s pituitary gland recover from this. 

Brittany  14:54

Because I asked, Is this something I can change? Is it something permanent that I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life? And at that point his answer was, yes, unfortunately. That’s kind of my experience with this. It’s been that way. And then just following your podcast. I got your emails, and everything just seemed like, you know what, that could be me, that could be me. But at the point IVF had worked for our first daughter. e wanted a second. So that was, at that point, the easier route to go. And that’s just kind of what I did. 

Brittany  15:25

Also, I don’t think it was ready to accept that, yes, that could be me. Like, accept that I might have to change things in my life. I might have to eat more, I might have to gain weight. That was a struggle for me to actually jump into your program when I decided to and actually take that leap. So I think that was holding me back as well.

15:44

Yeah, for sure. I appreciate that honesty and transparency, because I know there’s lots of people listening that can totally relate to that. I personally can relate to that. It’s hard, right? Like, I think you first learn about HA and you’re like, oh my gosh, that’s me. And you’re so excited, you’re so encouraged, because you realize there’s something you can do about it. Then you learn what you have to do about it. And you’re like, alright, nevermind.  I think everybody has that moment. What was the turning point for you to say, I need to do something about this naturally, I can’t stop relying on IVF to grow my family?

Brittany  16:21

Yeah. So for me, it became more medical issues in my own personal life. Of course, this is just how my life is. We can’t start our family, because when that’s happening was, we tried those two frozen embryos for third and both of those failed. Then our fertility doctor kind of told us, people who have HA usually, subsequent transfers for embryos are great. Because in order to make that kind of environment in the uterus, you kind of have to go through the IVF cycle and have more of that overstimulation for that uterine lining to get thick enough. And for everything kind of just the environment to be correct. I guess, in his experience. 

Brittany  17:06

With clients that he’s seen, like myself, it’s just that the initial fresh transfer from an embryo cycle that’s actually been more successful in his case. So I was interested in that and also kind of like, so I just wasted a bunch of time. Because to actually do those two embryo transfers, we had two or three canceled cycles as well, because I started developing fluid fluid in my uterus.  I was getting too much medication so my lining wasn’t thickening properly. There was a bunch of complications that I ended up. It was about a year of just trying to put those two embryos in before we realize, okay, now we have to do IVF. Or we thought we had to do IVF again. 

Brittany  17:45

So our clinic actually closed for… They’re only supposed to close for a few months, and they ended up closing for close to a year. So in that time, of course, I thought, Okay, well, I can’t do IVF. My mindset at that time was like, I’m gonna go run a marathon, because that was a goal I had. So that was the worst thing I could have done for myself.

I trained for the marathon and realized very early on in the training that I had lost all my hunger cues. I didn’t realize I had lost all my 100 keys until that point. Also, my bladder control got significantly worse to the point where I was wearing liners every day. I couldn’t go for a walk with my kids without having to stop somewhere to go to the bathroom. It was impacting more of my life than I ever wanted it to. 

Brittany  18:33

Anytime I’d have to leave and have to make sure I knew where the nearest bathroom was. It got very bad. My circulation, my hands was awful. I couldn’t go outside in the winter and play with my kids because my hands were just freezing. I was on estrogen and estrogen patches that was prescribed by the endocrinologist. And also progesterone suppositories to kind of bring on a cycle. Because birth control at that point wasn’t giving me enough estrogen to kind of make me even feel good or to stop any of those other symptom that was happening. 

Brittany  19:08

So I did the marathon. I completed it. And then afterwards, I was like, I can’t live like this. This isn’t a way to live where dealing with all of these issues. And then all of those issues corresponding to what you were saying, in your program. Cold hands, Hunger cues, no bladder control. And I’m just like,  I think this is my issue. What’s the harm and trying at this point? We’re waiting, we can’t do IVF anyways. I’m dealing with all of these health issues right now that I don’t want to burden my life with forever. I don’t want to take estrogen and progesterone if I don’t have to. If this could actually work, this would be amazing. And if it doesn’t, at least I gave it a shot.

19:52

Yeah, yeah. And I’m so glad that you did. Obviously you having a medical background probably helps but to connect the dots on the urgency, frequency of urination tied back to low estrogen levels, the poor circulation and cold hands and feet due to just a lowered metabolism and lower basal body temperature. I don’t think everybody makes this connection. So again, I’m sure your medical background helps with that. But yeah, ultimately.  And it’s interesting, because how long do you think it was from you learning about HA and being like, that’s probably me to be ready to do something about it?

Brittany  20:31

So I would say it was a good two years at least. And I don’t know if I would have taken the steps to do that, if I didn’t have that break in time, with kind of not being able to do IVF because of the clinic was closed. Or if I actually didn’t push myself and do the marathon and realize when things got really, really bad. Kind of make that connection that like, maybe this is more than just…

Because things were not great, but they weren’t to the point where they were. And when they got to that kind of extreme, I  realized that’s associated with extra exercise. Also the fact that I could run in the length I was for like three hours at a time and not feel hungry that day. That’s not right.  I should be starving, I should be eating large quantities of food. And I didn’t feel hungry and I’m like, that’s not right. There’s something else wrong here. 

21:24

fRight, for sure. Well, this is a perfect segue, because so far, we’ve talked a lot about exercise and marathon training. And actually, when we first started working together, I don’t remember the exact thing that you said to me. But it’s something along the lines of like, I don’t have issues with food. I’m totally fine with eating more. That’s not my problem. I am an over-exerciser. In going through the program working together and now having a little bit of hindsight, do you feel like there were also some food things going on for you as well? 

Brittany  21:55

Definitely. I think it just took reflecting on it and realizing that.  My husband always say, you always eat a lot. I don’t think it’s that because when I see you, you’re you’re eating lots and that sort of thing. And I never had issues with if we were at a birthday party, like I would have cake and that sort of thing. But I would also have cake because I knew that day earlier, I had done a workout. And I would allow myself to have food only during times where I knew I had worked out or I have a plan or something like that.

Brittany  22:32

Then just also little things that I would do. If I was hungry, but I knew lunch was coming, I wouldn’t eat right away. I’d have a half a granola bar. I wouldn’t allow myself to have the full granola bar. Or if we were out somewhere, I would like split a cookie with my kid. I wouldn’t just eat the whole cookie to myself. Little things like that. Definitely were habits that weren’t appropriate and that led obviously to some of sum of the HA as well.

Lindsey Lusson  23:00

Yeah, definitely. And I think habits like that: I’m only gonna eat half the cookie. I feel like especially as a female, those things are like so normalized. Because it’s like, oh, well, you should only eat half the cookie like good for you. It’s almost like virtuous. So I think that if anyone’s listening, and they don’t identify as much with the food restriction piece that is contributing to HA, I am yet to work with a client who has experienced total period loss who doesn’t have some level of restrictive or disordered eating going on. Even if it doesn’t feel restrictive or disordered to you.

Lindsey Lusson  23:36

How was it being in the program? Because it sounds like too, in hindsight, we’re recognizing that a lot of the permissive relationship with food… I can eat have a piece of cake at a birthday party, no big deal was tied to the fact I went on a long run today, so I earned that. Or I’m allowed to have that. How was it when we started working together and you were no longer marathon training? And I was like, hey, Brittany, we still have to eat the cake at the birthday party. How was that for you?

Brittany  24:04

Yeah, it was definitely a struggle. It was hard mentally. At first, it was kind of like, oh, this is all right. This is great. The first few four weeks where I’m just eating a lot. You’re super full. So that’s uncomfortable, but you haven’t really gained that weight yet and you’re kind of like oh it’s all good for the first four months. Then I think the body image piece really sets in after that when your body is changing. Instead of being like I want to go for a run and do something about this, no, now I’m I need to eat another snack instead. Even when you’re emotionally in a space where you’re feeling down about yourself and  it’s really hard for you.

Brittany  24:47

 I found that was hard. And even as it went on because it took me a bit longer. I was more of a later responder to get my cycle back. But I think the longer it went on, the more I just thought like can I keep doing this? At what point is this going to end? Like, at what point am I going to be able to get back to this happy medium? Or like at what point is my weight just gonna stop? That was a big fear of mine.

25:10

Totally. And I think a lot of people have that fear. Being a slower responder did take you four months to get your period back. Is that right? Am I remembering correctly?

Brittany  25:19

Yeah, between like, four and five months.

25:23

Sometimes that happens, right? I mean, there’s so many variables that can go into a recovery time. The biggest one that I’ve noticed, regardless of somebody’s body weight, and body size is just where their estrogen levels are, right? Like, if somebody who’s starting their HA recovery journey, and their estrogen levels are like five, it’s probably going to take a little bit longer than if their estrogen levels were 55. And you also have kids at home, that’s stressful. There’s always like, additional variables that can be thrown into the equation. 

Lindsey Lusson  25:52

But I want to talk a little bit more about something that you mentioned about how long is this going to go on? When will I level off? Because I feel like this is something that can keep some people from even committing to recovery. And it can cause people to quit, to throw in the towel. I’ve gained too much. I’ve hit my mental Max. This isn’t sustainable. This can’t be healthy. How did you keep going? 

Brittany  26:17

Not really mad? No, no, I was just like, at some point, even my husband and I, we just talked, we’re like, okay.  He’s like, you’re emotionally tapped out. I think like we just need to stop. Because at that point, that fertility clinic did reopen, but I was getting signs that my cycle was potentially maybe on its way. It was kind of trickling there for four or five weeks. And I was like, No, I just have to keep going. If I give up now, everything I’ve done in all this time has just been for waste. 

Brittany  26:46

So I think it was just me being that strong willed. I can’t give up, I have to see this through one way or another. I have to just just keep going. And I think if it would have been a couple more months, because of our timeline for when we want to have a third child, I think that played a role into it, too. But it Yeah, it’s really hard. And for people that are late responders, I just say keep going, keep digging in. Find that support system from whoever you can get it from. Because at that point, like the group is over, luckily for me, I met a fantastic person who I still talked to every single day. I’m going to see her in August.

Lindsey Lusson  27:28

Oh, I love that. Okay. Yeah.

Brittany  27:30

So just having those people was very important. Having someone else going through the same thing as you, and continuing to go through the same thing with you, even once the program was over, made or break the whole experience.

27:44

I second the thought. I think that that’s so important, because four months can feel like four years, literally.  Whenever you’re doing things that feel uncomfortable. You’re uncomfortable in your body. I think deep down, you might know that it’s the right thing to do. But you do kind of start to question things. And so having somebody who gets it to talk to during those times is so critical to not giving up. Obviously you’re very strong willed, motivated person, but motivation too, can only go so far so long, as well. 

Lindsey Lusson  28:17

And another thing that you said about like, when is this going to level off, I do think a lot of people have a fear in recovery that they’re gonna gain weight forever. Logically, we know that that’s not true. It’s definitely not true. However, it can feel that way. And I think that that can be something that keeps people stuck from even embracing any sort of weight gain. However, like the leveling off is a very long game thing. I mean, everyone’s different. But your body is probably not going to level off in like eight weeks. It could, but it’s probably not. 

Lindsey Lusson  28:52

I always tell people to about like setpoint weight range. If we’ve spent a decade below where our body wants to be, doesn’t it kind of make sense that the body naturally to course correct is going to want to kind of swing in the other direction and potentially hang out above or at the top range of our setpoint for a while for months for years. Like doesn’t that kind of makes sense. So when we talk about leveling off, that is a very long game goal. And so it is important as your weight restoring and replacing all of the nutrients that have been, tanked out for years, that you kind of have that perspective. 

Brittany  29:33

Yeah, I agree with that. And for me, too, I think we were very lucky. So it was our second recovery cycle that we ended up getting pregnant with. But that cycle we didn’t think was going to work because I didn’t ovulate. I believe it was day 26 of this cycle that I didn’t ovulate.  So at that point, I thought, because I’ve had all this experience with IVF and stuff, I’m like, Wow, I wonder if like, the egg would be too old. Anyways, like, Is this even going to work, but I do think that I never really got to that point. I still think there’s a lot of work for me to do mentally. 

Lindsey Lusson  29:33

Because I think if we’re looking for a quick fix, I’m gonna get my period back. And in three months, I’m going to be back to like this body that I think is… the only body size that I feel like I can feel confident in. Like, you’re probably setting yourself up for failure. Because it’s gonna take a while for things to level off.

Brittany  30:24

And with recovery I don’t feel like I’m like, fully recovered. I don’t know if that will be this year, next year, whatever year. But I think I’m still sort of in the process, because then you get pregnant sort of right away after you get your cycle back. And then you’re kind of in this limbo, where now I can’t know whether like, if I start implementing exercise, if I can’t track my cycles now to see if things are getting longer or shorter. And,you have extreme hunger cues, obviously, because you’re pregnant. But that is a big fear of mine, I think going into kind of postpartum. 

Brittany  30:57

Breastfeeding is like, hoping that, my cycle will come back and hoping that I take the tools that I learned from the program. And I don’t, just get stuck into my old ways and what was comfortable before and kind of go back into this mindset, because I don’t want to go back there. But then also, I know how hard it is to just keep going and getting that weight back again, if for some reason I were to lose some of it during like breastfeeding, or that sort of thing.

31:24

What I always tell people is after going through this experience, you can’t unlearn what you went through. Right? I find that while some people do relapse postpartum, I think you start to feel a lot better when you’re feeling appropriately. So doing the work that you’ve done, continuing to fuel well during your pregnancy, it gets really hard physiologically to go back to food restriction. Because you actually have hunger cues and because what your body’s been through and how crappy you felt. And so in some ways, I think the desire to get back to that does fade. 

Lindsey Lusson  31:59

The longer that you are… Time as a huge healer. The longer that you are fueling well, not over exercising, in treating your body well, I think the easier it becomes to kind of maintain that. But yes, you’re right. I mean, there are always triggers, always, always triggers. But postpartum is a big one for a lot of people. Even years after, if it’s like, I want to look good for my 40th birthday party, or my sister’s getting married, or this, that and the other. There’s always, opportunities for old habits to creep back in. 

Lindsey Lusson  32:32

And speaking of old habits, you had shared with me at one point that with the compulsive over exercise, there was a time where you had I think it was like 780 calories, and you were like, I had to hit it every single day. Because we have so many listeners that can resonate with that and feel, we throw around the word exercise addiction, a lot. And exercise can feel that way. You can feel like literally the world is going to crumble, or I literally cannot get through the day if I don’t hit 20,000 steps or 700 calories or whatever. And maybe it’s not that high for you. Maybe it’s 500 or 10,000 steps. 

Lindsey Lusson  33:10

How did you go Brittany from compulsively needing to hit this numerical goal to being able to give your body the rest that it needed to recover your period and get pregnant naturally?

Brittany  33:22

Yes, I think that was something I really struggled with at the beginning.  I think the first six weeks of recovery, I still had my Apple watch, I still had those goals, I was tracking everything. And I did change the calorie goal, I decreased it like 300. But like even that I wasn’t hitting. So then mentally, that was challenging for me because I thought, I’m not even hitting the goal of like 300 calories less than what I did before.

And it was just so much of a mind game. I realized how much I relied on it or how much worth I put into that number or why I like even needed to meet that goal every day. I just realized that’s not something during this period of my life I can have access to so I’m taking that completely off of my Apple Watch and was not doing any tracking. 

Brittany  34:13

I could still like ballpark, like how much activity I had during the day which at that point was very little. But yeah, that was a big struggle for me to kind of just like let go of that. But it was actually like the best thing for me. Because I remember playing with my kids outside and just sitting and then my little beeper that I haven’t taken like 2000 steps this hour would go off so then I’m like getting up stopping what I’m doing my kids instead of being just like mindful and being with them, I was getting up and just like running around. And then oh, I can come back to like playing with you guys now. That’s sort of life to live. 

Brittany  34:51

And then if by the end of the day, I didn’t have  my goal met then instead of just relaxing with my husband, I would be like okay, now i have to go for another walk with my dog because I have to hit that goal. Like my life was centered around a random number that I had to get for whatever reason, just to make myself I guess. In that point in time that made me feel good about myself. But at that point, yeah, it wasn’t healthy for me and all of the negative things that came from that was getting HA. I don’t want to ever step back into that. So I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to tracking my fitness. I don’t know if that’s something we’ll be able to do, or even want to do anymore. 

Lindsey Lusson  35:30

But to say like, what is the point? You know what I mean? Like, do you get a trophy? Do you get a job promotion? Do you make more money? We get so obsessed with these goals. I think activity trackers are one of the worst things in the world for people who struggle with exercise addiction, or compulsive overexercise. It’s like putting gasoline on that fire, you already have a tendency to be overly focused on numbers, potentially some OCD kind of like habits going on. And then you put a watch on that can gradually chew for moving more and prompts you to keep going when you’re not hitting those goals. 

Lindsey Lusson  36:07

So anyone’s listening and identify with struggling with over exercising, and you’re still wearing an activity tracker, just take it off and take a small step. Like do it for a week and see how that feels. And if you can’t do it, start kind of writing down like a pro con risk or reward column. How is that serving you? Because quite frankly, I don’t ever see it being helpful for someone during recovery.

Brittany  36:32

No, I agree. And even the freedom I think even from that, like it’s it’s changed my life so much. Now my life doesn’t revolve around constantly doing that. And just thinking about even postpartum. I remember with my kids, it was almost like this and I hate to say this and admit this, but it was. It was almost like this resentment if they didn’t have as long as a nap as they should have had, because Mommy had an hour to work out. 

Brittany  36:57

And I didn’t hit my goal today, because you woke up early from your nap. That is horrible. I’m looking forward to this time with this newborn having more naps where they can just lay on my chest. And hopefully I can just instead of worrying about the household stuff or everything else that needs to get done. But just be more in the moment with them and take that time. And because I see how fast it’s gone with my other two that is a regret that I have. Like looking back of why I was prioritizing that over having time with a newborn baby. 

Lindsey Lusson  37:30

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Well, I mean, you’ve got good perspective. Are there any other things that have been different with this pregnancy versus your first two, especially having actually gone through recovery this time?

Brittany  37:43

Yeah, I think with having the hunger cues back, my symptoms have been different. They’ve definitely been different that first  11 weeks, I was nauseous. With my other pregnancies, I wasn’t at all. Something too were will be 20 weeks next week and that was a point where the anatomy scan, both of my children were measuring kind of like on the smaller side. That was when I had to be monitored pretty closely. 

Brittany  38:09

And both of our babies were diagnosed with intrauterine growth restriction.  I was induced early with both of them. So my daughter was at 37 weeks, and my son was just over 36 weeks. The blood pressure through the umbilical cord had slowed and they weren’t really growing very much. At first, my OB thought maybe that was associated with placenta. But then witgh my son, the placenta was tested, and everything was fine. So then I kind of look back at what I was doing during that time. I was still exercising, and I didn’t have my hunger cues. So I don’t think I was eating as much as I should have. And with this pregnancy, I’ve already noticed, I’m eating way more than I did before, because I actually feel hungry. Yeah, It’s been a lot different and I’m really looking forward to how postpartum will change.

38:58

Yeah, it’ll also be interesting to see what growth scan looks like with your third. I don’t hear interestingly enough about a lot of IU gr but it could be because those aren’t the people that I actually end up working with. It makes sense, right? But more often than not what I see when people are over exercising and restricting during pregnancy is typically baby is fine. But it’s mom who ends up pretty depleted, malnourished, underweight, postpartum, after delivery. 

Lindsey Lusson  39:30

But IUGR is always a risk for under fueling during pregnancy. And so I’m at a minimum just glad that you’re feeling better and more confident and know that, you’re doing everything that you can, if that does happen again, for whatever reason with this pregnancy that you’re feeling good. Is there anything, you’ve kind of already touched on this but like thinking about postpartum and how you plan to kind of approach food and exercise differently, like any kind of intention that you’re carrying over with you into postpartum?

Brittany  40:00

I just want to maintain what I’m doing now and not go back into those habits again and making sure that I’m feeling appropriately for breastfeeding. Because that’s another huge energy deficit that happens and probably also didn’t help with my HA either because I was still restricting more calories than I probably should have. Because I didn’t have the hunger cues and I was exercising quicker after having the baby than I probably should have just because it was my stress relief. So I wanted to get back to that. 

Brittany  40:34

Even being when you’re tired and exhausted, and he was like that with the baby. For me, when after exercise actually felt better, because I had that that release. So I’m looking forward to hopefully incorporating oher stress management techniques and not having to feel that pressure to exercise and enjoy the time with the little one. And even with my other two kids that will be home more with me just enjoying that time was a family too. 

41:00

Yeah. Is there anything better than seeing your kids with their babies sibling? It is literally like, your heart explodes into a million pieces, seeing them get to be like siblings to a baby. It’s my favorite. 

Brittany  41:12

I’m excited. Yeah, amazing. 

Brittany  41:14

Well, Brittany, anything before we wrap today, anything that you… If you can think back to or think about yourself now, and think back to you two years ago, learning about HA for the first time, and being like, No, I’m not going to go down that route. Is there anything you would tell yourself in hindsight that would maybe have… we can’t take the two years back. What would you say to encourage that version of yourself back then?

Brittany  41:45

I think just taking more time to reflect and at that point, really internalizing, could just be you look at it, that is you, you’re doing all those things, like the box is all check. That could be you and you can change your lifestyle for the better. Now, you could have a natural pregnancy, not have to go through IVF again. All those worries, you can enjoy that time with your newborn instead of fixated on exercise, and that sort of thing. And just be more present. 

Brittany  42:17

I think that’s the main thing that I’ve noticed, since going through the program is that my mind is in constantly just being when was my workout gonna be today? Okay, so the kids are home with me today, instead of  at daycare, I was planning on exercising at this time. When am I going to exercise now because they’re here? Can I have them eat lunch on the couch while I like run on the treadmill downstairs? All those little thoughts that go through your head, those are just gone now. And I feel I’m more present. I’m happier.  I feel like I got this new life that I can actually live versus just being constantly in my mind about having this addiction and this need to do something. 

Lindsey Lusson  42:58

Oh, I love that. And I think you’ve just painted the perfect picture. Because I know so many people can relate to that. The whole day revolves around a workout. Whether you admit it or not, if you’re thinking about oh, you know, I had that meeting, so now I can’t do that. So I need to make up for it here. Or how am I going to fit this in? If that’s like your constant thought process, it doesn’t have to be that way. Like that’s not normal. Especially when you’re thinking about becoming a mom, because you were going to have so many other things on your plate. Yes, you should prioritize your health and be active, but there’s a way that you can do that that’s way more balanced than obsessively thinking about how to move every second of every day. 100%. 

Lindsey Lusson  43:35

Well, thanks so much for coming on today. We’ve loved your story. Thanks for being open and sharing and encouraging. Do you know if you’re having a boy or girl?

Brittany  43:44

No, we’re not finding out.

Lindsey Lusson  43:45

Oh, that’s so fun. That’s what I wanted to do for my third but my husband was like, No, we have to know. But that’s super exciting. When are you due again?

Brittany  43:54

Our due date is early November. 

Lindsey Lusson  43:56

Okay, so fun. Well, my youngest is September 13th so she always welcomes the birthday. 

Lindsey Lusson  44:02

We wish you a healthy delivery. And thanks for coming up again today.

Brittany  44:07

Thank you.